NoRegretsColeNC Read online

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to know everything about you.”

  More relaxed and at ease now, she shared a few memories with him. Simple things. Like lining up for meals, having a caretaker come around each night at bedtime, the games the girls used to play in the recreational room. She didn’t tell him about the times families came, wanting to adopt, and how they always passed her by. Too quiet. Too shy. Oh, the times she was scolded by the home’s director. Unless she came out of her shell, as the woman put it, Hattie would never find a family who wanted her.

  * * * *

  Willie sat beside Hattie on the creek bank, listening as she shared stories of her childhood at the foundling home. When he’d invited her on their outing that morning, he’d been eager to learn all he could about the pretty girl, only to discover that she could tell him little. She knew nothing of herself, nothing about who she was, where she’d come from.

  Little wonder she’d grown up to be such a quiet, unassuming young woman. The reality of Hattie’s life touched a place in his heart he hadn’t known existed. Maybe it hadn’t been there before. Maybe it had only come into being in the weeks since they’d become acquainted.

  “So, that’s really all there is to tell about me,” she concluded, staring down at her bare feet dangling in the water. “I suppose it’s quite boring to hear.”

  “Not at all.” Willie grinned and scooted a bit closer. “I find everything about you very interesting.”

  Hattie blushed. Sitting as close beside her as he was, he could actually feel the heat that rushed to her cheeks. She inched away from him.

  “It must be nice to have an actual birth date to celebrate each year,” she mused. “I suppose that’s my one regret.”

  “No regrets,” Willie said quickly. “That’s how we’re supposed to live our life, remember.”

  “Right.” She smiled at him, warming his heart. “No regrets.”

  “Besides, having birthdays isn’t really all that great.” Willie shrugged. “It’s a way of marking time, that’s all, a method for measuring our failures.”

  Hattie’s chin jerked up.

  “Stop that right now, Willie Morse. You’re not a failure.” Her expression could only be called indignant, as though she were the one offended by his remark. “How can you call yourself a failure when, as far as I can see, you haven’t even tried to make anything of yourself?” Her hands went to her hips.

  The question took him aback. Hattie was right. He hadn’t tried. He’d been so caught up in his own self-pity, he’d damned himself to failure. What might happen if he actually attempted to do something worthwhile? He’d always talked about practicing law, and not just because it was his father’s profession. He believed in justice. He wanted to make a difference in the lives of people who’d been unfairly accused or who had suffered at the hands of others. Why not grab those musty old law books from his father’s study and actually start reading them instead of merely talking about it? At his mother’s insistence, he’d brought several books back to Sunset with him.

  Quickly, all the reasons why he’d given up flooded his mind.

  He shook his head. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it doesn’t change the truth. I am a failure, Hattie. Next week, when my birthday comes around, I’ll be twenty-four years old. Do you realize what that means?”

  She frowned. “Not really.”

  “When my father was that age, he was practicing law, already making a name for himself.” He sighed. “I should be so much more than what I am.”

  “I think we’re always where we’re meant to be in life.” Hattie’s words had a wistful quality about them. “I’d like to believe there’s a plan for each of us, and that once we find it, we’ll know who we are, who we’re supposed to be. Then we can set about following the plan.” When she looked up, she seemed quite pleased with herself for having figured that all out. “That’s what happiness is all about. At least, that’s what I think.”

  Willie listened as the words poured out, but he was no longer considering himself and his life, and he had no idea whether or not there was any intelligent design behind it. At the moment, he didn’t care. All he could think about was Hattie.

  His eyes riveted on her mouth, watching the way her lips moved as she spoke. He wet his own lips, yearning to kiss her again. Doing so might frighten her. He forced his eyes shut.

  “Willie? Are you all right? Have you even heard a word I’ve said?” Hattie’s gentle laughter rippled through the air. “I’m sorry. I do go on and on at times.”

  He opened his eyes again, grinning as an exciting idea tugged at his brain.

  “Would you be willing to spend a little time with me to help me celebrate my birthday?” He reached for her hands. “Friday evening. Come to the boarding house, and—”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Willie.” She jerked her hands away. “Why, what would Mrs. Godwin think? It’s absolutely improper, and you know it.”

  He waggled his eyebrows. “Oh, yes, I know. It would be scandalous.” He leaned toward her, nudging her shoulders with his. “Which is exactly why you should do it.”

  “I couldn’t.”

  Willie chuckled. “You see, Hattie? You’re always going on about how I should change, telling me how I could make different choices and make a new life for myself. But it’s not so easy. You can’t change your ways any more than I can change mine. I’m stuck being who I am, and you’re stuck,” he went on, jabbing at finger at her, “being the prim and proper Miss Richards, the quiet little mouse who never disturbs anybody, has never once told a lie, and who would never think of breaking any of society’s rules.”

  Her mouth dropped. “You’re daring me to—”

  “Yes. I dare you, Hattie Mae Richards.”

  She fell silent. Her gray eyes flickered, looking here, looking there, then finally her gaze settled upon him again. “I can’t, Willie. Tansy Godwin—”

  “—will be out of town.” Unable to resist the temptation any longer, he bent forward and nuzzled her neck. “We’ll be alone, Hattie Mae. Just the two of us. Tansy Godwin will never know. Neither will anyone else.”

  “It will be our secret? Do you promise?”

  “Yes. Our secret.”

  Hattie drew away. She pursed her lips. Her brow furrowed. Obviously she was deep in thought. Willie held his breath.

  Finally, she looked up at him again. “You don’t think I’ll do it. That’s the only reason you’re asking me. You were only wanting to see how I would react.”

  “Not true. I want to help you, Hattie.”

  “Help me?” she croaked. “How?”

  “I want to show you how to be brave, how to be bold.” He seized her hands. “Do you really want to live out your life always being meek and mild, always following all the rules? You’ll regret it, if you do. When you come to the end of it, you’ll look back and wish you’d done things differently.”

  “Audaces fortuna iuvat.”

  Willie smiled, thankful for the Latin he’d learned. “Yes, fortune favors the bold.”

  “If I should come to see you…and I’m not saying I will, you understand, but if I should…” Her voice trailed off. Hattie wrung her hands. “That is, if I do visit you…to celebrate your birthday, you will be a perfect gentleman, of course. Am I right?”

  He’d anticipated a lot of things with Hattie, but not her forthright question.

  His mouth worked, moving about as he tried to come up with an answer.

  “Audaces fortuna iuvat,” he reminded her in a hoarse whisper.

  “Yes, but, what I mean is, I wouldn’t have to worry about being compromised in any way or having my reputation ruined, would I? You’re certain the widow Godwin will be away?”

  “You trust me, don’t you?” Willie’s heart raced, scarcely believing the eagerness with which she’d spoken.

  “I’m not sure.” She gazed out over the creek, watching the water ripple past.

  Life was passing by, too. So
quickly.

  “Do it, Hattie,” he urged. “Forget all the rules. Remember how good it felt this morning when you climbed down from that wagon? You were doing what you wanted, not what you thought you were supposed to do. That’s what happiness is all about. Make your life worth living. No regrets,” he reminded her.

  “No regrets,” she repeated with a hesitant smile. “I like that philosophy. I truly do.” For a moment longer, she watched the current flow. At last, she turned toward him. “What about you? Do you want to come to the end of your life, Willie, and look back at all the things you should have done?”

  “Like studying the law? Is that what you’re getting at?” He exhaled slowly. “I do have a few of my father’s law books now, but—”

  Hattie’s breasts rose as she drew in a deep breath then thrust out her hand. “I’m willing to strike a bargain with you. I’ll trust you, and I’ll come to the boarding house on Friday evening. In return, you’ll dust off those law books and start studying for the examination. Is it a deal?”

  He clasped her hand in his. “You do like making bargains, don’t you,” he teased, recalling the agreement they’d made while he was hospitalized. Never mind that she’d been caught and hadn’t kept her end of it. In truth, she’d risked her career for him.

  “Negotiation is a necessary skill in life. If the results are mutually beneficial, then where’s the harm?”

  Willie smiled. Surely there must be an appropriate platitude for the occasion, but he couldn’t think of one. Hmmm…maybe the one about fools rushing in?

  * * * *

  Late on Friday afternoon, Hattie stood before her mirror, turning from side to side. Should she wear her fancy dress? Years before, while attending school, she’d worked at odd jobs, then scrimped and saved to have the beautiful, lace-adorned garment made for her, in hopes of fitting in with her classmates. She’d spent a great deal on the costume, thinking every young woman should have at least one frock for special occasions, and hoping all the while that she might someday have such an occasion on which to wear it.

  Now, she hesitated. Would Willie perhaps think her too vain or too extravagant? She considered changing but worried at once that he might then think it quite inconsiderate of her to wear one of her tired old dresses for such a festive occasion.

  A birthday should be festive, and if she had a proper one, she’d certainly want to celebrate it with style.

  Thankfully, a tap at the door caught her attention before her thoughts could turn morose. No reason for her to feel sorry for herself. She had a lovely evening planned with a quite attractive young man. The fact that the widow Tansy Godwin would be away made it all the more exciting.

  The knocking put a quick end to Hattie’s indecision. She would wear the new gown with its delicate lace trimmings and slightly immodest neckline. Before opening the door, she grabbed her lacy shawl and threw it around her shoulders.

  “Good evening, Mrs. Kellerman.” The greeting came out in a breathless rush. Hattie tried to compose herself somewhat, but she couldn’t contain her excitement. Never in her life had she ever done anything so deliciously wrong. Going to Willie’s room would be absolutely immoral, but, of course, no one would ever know. The thrill of keeping a secret made Hattie’s pulse race.

  “You’re certainly gussied up.” Charlotte drew back and gave one of her famous once-overs, taking note of every facet of Hattie’s appearance, from the loose knot of hair piled atop her head to the soft-soled slippers upon her feet.

  Hattie gulped and checked her image in the mirror once more. Indeed, she looked as guilty as she suddenly felt. Lying, she knew, came easily to some people. Why did it have to be so difficult for her?

  “I told you where I was going. I’ll be properly chaperoned by Emily Sue and her husband.” As the words spilled out, Hattie’s mind raced to remember the precise details of the story she’d concocted for the woman’s benefit. A group of friends from school were having a celebration. Both she and her former roommate at Miss Brundage’s Female Academy had been invited. A bit flimsy, but what she chose to do on her own time was really none of Charlotte Kellerman’s business. “I’d love to chat longer, but I agreed to meet them at four-thirty. It’s already a quarter past.” Pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders, Hattie turned toward the door.

  “It’s a long drive to Denver.”

  “Yes, which is exactly why I’m in such a rush.”

  “Seems peculiar that your friends aren’t picking you up here.”

  “It’s a bit out of the way, actually. Much easier for me to walk to the main road.” She hated argument of any sort and wanted only to get away as quickly as possible. Hattie grabbed her reticule. “Don’t wait up for me, Mrs. Kellerman. I’ll most likely be late.”

  * * * *

  When Willie opened the door for her, Hattie hesitated. To step inside and follow him upstairs to his room would be analogous to the nursery-rhyme fly eagerly walking into the spider’s lair.

  She knew the poem well, especially its chilling final lines warning that whomever climbed those stairs would never come down again. The thought actually made her laugh out loud.

  “Did I say something wrong? Did I do something?” Willie—who looked as flustered as Hattie felt—glanced around the tiny entry room.

  Her throat constricted, and even though she wanted to make a teasing remark that might set them both at ease, Hattie couldn’t get a word out. She managed to shake her head.

  “Did anybody see you?” Willie leaned around her and peered out toward the streets. “Your reputation would be forfeit if the good ladies of this town knew you were here.” Reaching out, he took her shawl, then gave an appreciative whistle. “You look lovely, Hattie.”

  His gaze lingered on her breasts. Hattie quickly folded her arms across her chest.

  “I don’t think anyone saw me, but I can’t be certain.” She bit her lip, realizing the need for caution. “Widow Godwin is away? You’re sure of it?” When Willie nodded, some of the tension dissipated. “Are there any other boarders? Is anyone likely to come in?”

  “Only Mr. Miller, and he’s as deaf as that doorknob.” He gestured toward the ornate polished handle. “Besides, the old gent goes to bed with the chickens and sleeps like a log all night. I know he’s already turned in. I checked on him earlier.”

  Hattie couldn’t suppress her mirth. “Listen to yourself, Willie Morse.” The teasing banter came easily now. Being with Willie somehow made her feel relaxed, almost peaceful. “You fuss about me reciting proverbs and adages, and now you seem to have caught the habit, too.”

  “So I have. It’s all because of you, of course.”

  Hattie gulped. What did he mean by that? Was he having second thoughts, was he about to tell her they were perhaps spending too much time together? She braced herself. But the rejection didn’t come. Willie smiled, held out his arm, and together they strolled up the stairs.

  “Close your eyes,” he told her as they stood at the threshold. “Don’t open them until I tell you.”

  “All right.” She loved the mystery, the excitement, the suspense. Hattie clung to his arm. With her eyes tightly closed, she listened closely as Willie turned the knob and pushed the door open. He guided her steps.

  “You can open your eyes now.”

  The sight awaiting her took her breath away.

  “Oh, my!” Hattie gasped to see a small lace-covered table, carefully laid out with elegant place settings, crystal stemware, and sterling silver. A small bowl of freshly-cut tea roses served as an exquisite centerpiece. “Willie, you did all of this?”

  You did all of this for me?

  “Yes, Hattie. Do you like it?”

  “Where did you get these plates?” she asked, running a finger over the gold rim. A horrid thought crossed her mind. “You didn’t get into Widow Godwin’s china closet, did you? If she finds out—”

  “I brought them back from Denver. My mother insisted. Actually, they’re not all that fine.” He picked one up
and turned it over, revealing several nicks. “It’s one of her old sets. I tried to tell her I wouldn’t really have any use for them, but you know how mothers are.” He coughed. “No, I don’t guess you do. I’m sorry, that was a thoughtless thing for me to say.”

  “It’s all right.” Hattie was beginning to feel a bit awkward, not because of anything he’d said or done, but from the very idea of being alone with Willie in what was, actually, a very intimate setting, complete with candlelight and tea roses. “When you invited me over, I wasn’t expecting anything like this.” She gestured toward the table. “Are we having dinner here?”

  “We are, indeed.”

  “Did you cook? Where? How?” She glanced about the little room, taking it all in for the first time. From the moment he’d first ushered her in, her attention had been focused on the table, nothing else. Now, she noticed the bed pushed up against the wall, the small night stand and dresser crammed into the corner. The room provided only the barest furnishings, reminding her of the cramped little dormitory she’d shared with Emily Sue at the female academy.

  “I set the table, but I didn’t cook the meal myself,” Willie said. “I hope you’re not disappointed. I don’t have any culinary skills.”

  “No, I wouldn’t expect you to know much about cooking. I wasn’t expecting to be served dinner.” Hattie wasn’t sure exactly what she had expected. “When you invited me, here, I guess I thought we’d sit and chat, share a few thoughts.” Each passing moment found her growing more nervous. “I intended to wish you a happy birthday, of course.”

  “I took the liberty of ordering meals from the café. I hope you like hashed meat. It comes with cooked onions. Potatoes, too.” He opened a drawer in the night stand, pulled out two string-tied boxes, and handed one to her. “I bought a bottle of wine, too.”

  “You’ve started drinking again?” Dismay filled her voice.

  “One glass of wine isn’t going to harm me, Hattie Mae. It won’t harm you, either.” He pulled out a bottle. “You’re looking a bit anxious, you know.”