NoRegretsColeNC Page 14

  She lifted her gaze. The wicked grin was there again. “I’m talking about us. About…all those things we did together.” Hattie’s eyes fluttered closed for a moment. Willie wondered if she was recalling the pleasures they’d shared.

  “I know you liked it, Hattie. So did I.”

  Opening her eyes again, she nodded. “You’re right. I did like it. A lot. That’s why I went searching for information in Dr. Kellerman’s medical books. Information about conception,” she explained in a hushed whisper. “More to the point,” she went on, slipping her arms around him, “information on how to avoid conception. There are ways.”

  “Really?” Condoms—known as French preventatives—were nothing new to Willie. The girls at the expensive pleasure houses in Denver insisted men wear them. Hattie must have only now learned of their existence.

  There were other ways, too, of course. All of them a lot of bother. The real question was why Hattie was so eagerly coming to him to share this newfound knowledge.

  “I know what you’re thinking, Willie.” Her breath whispered in his ear as she pressed closer to him. “I’m not talking about those awful rubber things. There are better ways. Easier ways.”

  “Go on. I’m listening.” Indeed. His burgeoning desire for the woman in his arms made it both more difficult to concentrate and more imperative that he do so. Reluctantly he released her and stepped back. “What did you find out?”

  “The hospital has an excellent medical library. One of the volumes was written by Dr. Theodore Bischoff.” Hattie leaned close again. “He’s an authority on contraception.” When she said the word, she flushed and quickly looked around. Strict obscenity laws passed a few years earlier made it illegal to even discuss the topic.

  “And what is this method he wrote about?”

  “It’s very simple, really.” Quickly she explained Dr. Bischoff’s research and his determination that a woman could only conceive on certain days of the month. “So long as we avoid those days…” She blushed profusely and covered her blazing cheeks with her hands.

  “Don’t be embarrassed, Hattie. This is important to know.”

  “Yes, you’re right.” She dropped her hands to her sides and delivered a forthright, matter-of-fact, to-the-point look Willie had never seen on her face before. “I came across another volume, as well. One written by a fellow named Owen. I don’t know much about him,” she confessed, “but his writing made one point quite clearly.” She sucked in a breath so deep it made her breasts rise and jut out. “According to Mr. Owen, whoever he may be, sexual gratification is not immoral.”

  “I never believed it was.” Willie took hold of Hattie’s hands.

  “Do you think I’m immoral?”

  “I think you’re beautiful, Hattie.” He seized the opportunity and embraced it fully. “I think you’re a perfectly charming young woman who’s beginning to realize what she wants from life, and I’m glad to be a part of it. I think you’re strong, capable, and determined. That’s how I see you.”

  “I liked it, Willie. I want to do it again.”

  “And again…and again.” He brushed a kiss to her heated cheeks. “You’re sure you know which days are the right days?” He didn’t think it possible, but her blush deepened.

  “I marked it on my private calendar.”

  Releasing her, Willie stepped back again. He stole another glance at the door. “Sheriff Bryant will probably be back any minute, so it’s best we keep our distance.” It would be good, too, if he could lose the erection before the man returned.

  “Yes, of course. I understand.”

  Of course, the redness of her cheeks—along with the obvious bulge in his trousers—would make it easy for anyone who strolled in to guess there’d been a bit of hanky-panky between them.

  “So, now we know when, but we’ll have to figure out where. And exactly how to arrange it.” Possibilities were already racing through his brain. He looked to Hattie.

  Before his eyes, her entire being changed. Gone was any apprehension, replaced by a brilliant glow of excitement that radiated from her.

  “We’re going to have an affair,” she said, clasping her hands together. “I’ve never done anything so deliciously dangerous before. It’s all because of you, Willie. You’ve made me feel alive, you know. You’ve made me believe that my life really matters.”

  “You do matter, Hattie Mae Richards. Don’t ever forget that.”

  She nodded. “I’d better get out of here. I’d hate to arouse any suspicions. If Sheriff Bryant catches us alone here, he might figure out what we’re up to.” She giggled, gave a little wave, and hurried out the door.

  Willie stared after her, his heart soaring. Never in his entire twenty-four years had he ever seen anyone as bubbling and ecstatic as Hattie had been just now. She’d helped save his life, and in return, he’d given her a life of her own…and a chance to live it fully.

  An affair.

  Get your mind off sex and back on business.

  He grabbed one of the law books he’d brought with him and opened it, pretending to be engrossed in his studies when Caleb came through the door. If he did nothing else, Willie decided, he’d be damned sure he’d protect Hattie’s reputation. Nobody would ever know of their affair.

  * * * *

  Life couldn’t get much better. That’s how Willie saw it. As summer continued, so, too, did his dalliance with Hattie Mae. They met each week on her day off, spending the long afternoon hours indulging in uninhibited pleasures and passions. No one knew, of course, which made it all the more thrilling.

  What people did know—and often remarked upon—was how much Willie had changed in the last few months. Of course, they guessed it to be a result of his accident. In a way, it was. How odd to think that his most desperate act, his sorrowful attempt at self-destruction had proved to be his salvation.

  “You’ve got quite a grin on your face there, Willie.”

  The voice brought him from his thoughts. As usual, while he worked pushing the broom along the boardwalk in front of the sheriff’s office, his mind had been wandering off toward a little cabin hidden away in the woods, eagerly anticipating the next liaison with his sultry, gray-eyed lover.

  “Oh, good morning, Mr. Whitmore.” Willie’s face reddened. Without thinking, he shook the big, long-handled broom, then coughed as a thick cloud of dust rose up around him. It hung in the air then settled to the earth again, a good part of it landing on George Whitmore’s well-polished shoes. Willie winced. “Sorry about that.” He set the broom aside and grabbed a rag from his back pocket.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Whitmore shot back. “Shoes are meant to touch the ground. A bit of dirt doesn’t hurt.”

  “All the same, I should have been more careful.”

  “I doubt there’s a man alive who hasn’t said those words a few times.” Whitmore chuckled. He stared off toward the east where golden rays of sunlight promised a perfect summer’s day. “We’re only human. We do tend to make mistakes. And it’s a damned good thing,” he added, bending down to brush the tips of his shoes. “If every man followed all the laws all of the time, I’d be out of business, wouldn’t I?”

  Willie nodded. He’d known attorney George Whitmore for many years and respected him for his honesty and integrity. Unlike Willie’s father, the man valued the law and prized justice. Never would his name be tainted by claims of corruption or vice.

  “Yes, sir, I suppose you would.” Willie’s heart felt suddenly heavy. Reminders of his father still affected him, still made him feel ashamed and embarrassed. “It’s been nice talking to you, Mr. Whitmore. Have a good day.” Expecting the man to be on his way, he reached for the broom again, ready to resume his task.

  “Not so fast, Willie. I wanted to chat with you a moment.” He pointed to the broom, then to the side of the sheriff’s office. Willie got the message. He set the broom against the building again.

  “Yes? Chat about what?” Apprehension crawled through his guts like an earthworm ch
urning up dirt. He tried to swallow, but couldn’t. Instead, he spat on the boardwalk—mindful of Whitmore’s shoes this time. He turned his head.

  “Your father—”

  Willie froze. He didn’t want to hear a word about his crooked old man.

  “—always had high hopes for you, Willie. He always figured you’d choose the legal profession. I doubt he’d be too happy if he knew you were sweeping sidewalks in this little town.”

  His father’s happiness sure as hell meant nothing to Willie.

  Whitmore kept talking.

  “I remember you once saying you intended to study the law. Of course, you were a bit younger then. It might be that you’ve changed your mind.” He cleared his throat, calling Willie’s attention. “Frankly, I doubt that. I think you’d make a fine lawyer.”

  Willie shook his head and reached for the broom, but Whitmore put a hand on his arm.

  “Listen to me, Willie. Your father did a lot of bad things. You know that. I know that. Everyone from here to Denver knows that. Nothing can change it. Don’t let his mistakes stand in the way of your dreams. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

  “Yes, I have. I stood behind him for a long time. I believed in him. Even when people came to me and tried to tell me the truth, I wouldn’t listen.” He remembered countless opportunities he’d allowed to pass by, times when he could have spoken up or confronted his father with questions. Had he done so, a lot of things could have turned out differently.

  No regrets.

  The words shot through his brain. What the hell was he thinking? Life was all about regrets, all about making mistakes and never being able to fix them again. His entire life suddenly seemed to be nothing more than one huge regret from beginning to end.

  Except for Hattie Mae. He’d never regret the time he spent with her.

  “So, you didn’t listen then. I’m telling you to listen now.” Whitmore tapped a finger to Willie’s head. “You’ve got a good mind, and it’s time you put it to use. I’ve been watching you, keeping an eye on how you’ve been getting along. I’ll admit, I’d about given up on you, but then that accident happened. It changed you.”

  “Yes, it certainly did.” But not in the way Whitmore thought. Willie smiled again as sweet thoughts of Hattie tickled his brain.

  “You still have any of your father’s law books?”

  “A few, but—”

  “Probably out of date, anyway. Come around my office later this morning. I’ll loan you a few books. Of course, I’ll expect you to work hard, put in a lot of time studying.”

  Willie’s mind spun. Things were happening so fast, he couldn’t process all the information at once. “Yes, I will, sir.” He fought to slow his breathing. “And if I have questions?”

  “I’ll be there to help you. I’m in need of a law clerk, and if you’re interested, the position is yours.”

  Willie didn’t understand. What possible reason would George Whitmore have for wanting to help him? No one else had been willing to give him a chance. “I appreciate it, but, why are you doing this?”

  Whitmore didn’t hesitate. “I’m doing it because it’s the right thing. What other reason is there?” He extended a hand to Willie. “Think about that, all right?”

  “Yes, I will. I’ll come by your office later this morning.” He broke out into a broad smile. “Thank you, Mr. Whitmore.”

  As the man walked away, his words remained stuck in Willie’s head.

  What other reason was there for any action or decision in life other than doing what was right? It made so much sense, and it made life so simple.

  But then again, doing the right thing wasn’t always easy.

  His thoughts rushed toward Hattie, then raced on to that little cabin in the woods. He closed his eyes, letting memories of their unrestrained passions wash over him. They left him weak, but he gathered his courage anew.

  He’d been taking advantage of Hattie Mae, and her willingness to engage in their illicit affair did not make it right. Nor did her careful calculations and her assurances that there would be no consequences.

  They were set on a course to live their lives without regrets, but that didn’t give him the right to use Hattie for his own selfish pleasures.

  He had to put a stop to it.

  * * * *

  “I’m beginning to worry. I think the Kellermans suspect something’s afoot.”

  Hattie glanced over her shoulder as she stepped inside the little cabin. Seeing no one in the surrounding landscape, she sighed and turned her attention to the man before her. She and Willie were alone. No one had followed her.

  For weeks they’d been meeting at the old cabin, both of them arranging their days off work in order to have this time together. No one had lived in the place for years. Sawdust and old woodchips still covered much of the floor, left behind by the eccentric woodcarver whose home it had once been. An occasional squatter found the place and laid claim to it, but now, to Hattie’s mind, it had become their place. Not a home, exactly, but a place of love, a place of bliss, a place where she could leave all the rules and restrictions behind and live in a world of her own choosing.

  “Is it true what I’ve heard?” she asked, reaching for the strings of her bonnet. “You’ve gone to work for Mr. Whitmore?” Before he could reply, she ran across the room and threw herself against him. “I’m so proud of you, Willie. I’m so happy. I know how much it means to you.”

  But Willie’s arms didn’t go around her.

  Hattie stepped back, the bonnet on her head slightly askew. She reached again for the strings, but now her fingers hesitated. The cool, distant look on Willie’s face left her shaken. “What is it? Is something wrong?” Her breath stopped as she waited.

  For a few brief seconds, he remained silent. Finally, he shook his head.

  “No, of course not. Nothing’s wrong.”

  “And it’s true about George Whitmore?”

  “Yes, as of last Monday, I’m officially a law apprentice. I wanted to come by the hospital to tell you—”

  She cut him off. “We agreed not to meet in town. The more we’re seen together, the more likely somebody is to figure us out.” And the more likely somebody—probably the Kellermans—would try to put a stop to their budding relationship.

  Hattie would let nothing come between her and Willie. She owed him so much. Before meeting him, she’d been caught up in following rules, always trying her best to be a perfect young lady who did everything right, and now, he’d taught her how to live by her own rules, to be who she wanted to be, not conform to the standards of ideal womanhood held up to her by spinsters like Helen Brundage or hypocrites like Charlotte Kellerman.

  Her newfound freedom exhilarated her, left her breathless with anticipation for each moment with Willie.

  Yet why was he looking at her that way?

  “Are you certain that nothing is wrong? Have I done something…?”

  “No, of course not. Nothing is wrong.” He came to her, placed his hands on her cheeks, bent forward, and kissed the tip of her nose. “I just needed a moment to gaze upon your lovely face, that’s all. I’ve missed you. I wasn’t sure you were coming.”

  Little doubts crept into Hattie’s mind. Despite her desire to please Willie—and herself—at times being bold still proved a bit of a challenge.

  “I shouldn’t be here. We both know what we’re doing is wrong.” True, indeed, but she didn’t want to speak that truth aloud, thereby giving voice to her doubts. She would listen instead to her heart. “I can’t seem to help myself, however,” she whispered then drew away.

  Hattie finished untying the pretty silk bonnet, and carefully removed it. She patted her hair into place.

  “You look lovely.” The adoring look in Willie’s eyes confirmed his words.

  “I probably shouldn’t stay long.” Only long enough to once again be in Willie’s arms. Only long enough to once again feel his hungry mouth feasting on her heated flesh. Only long enough to once more spread her body
open and allow him inside, letting him do all those wondrous, incredible, but ever-so-wicked things that Miss Brundage had warned her girls about. The old spinster had no idea what pleasures she was missing out on.

  Hattie sighed, let the bonnet slip from her fingers, and gave herself up to Willie’s comforting embrace.

  Soon, his kisses erased the last of her doubts. Right and wrong disappeared in a tangle of emotions that took her breath away and left her wholly at the mercy of her heart’s desperate yearning for love.

  * * * *

  Willie stood transfixed, unable to look away from Hattie’s mesmerizing gaze. Warmth and desire shone in her beautiful smoke-gray eyes. As his arms drew her close, he breathed in the sweet scent of lavender that clung to her dark hair, tinged with the odd odors of camphor and carbolic. When their lips met, he tasted peppermint in her kisses.

  “We’ve got so little time,” she murmured, her slim fingers reaching for the buttons of his shirt. One by one, she unfastened them, then slipped her hands against his skin. She bent down to press hot kisses to his bare chest.

  “Oh, dear God, you make me feel so good.” Willie reeled from the intense pleasure her touch brought. In the old days, as he thought of them, the days before his father’s disgrace and his own downfall, he’d gratified himself in the beds of many women. He’d had money enough to indulge his hedonism with the most exclusive professionals in the fancy houses of Denver. He’d been fucked by the best.

  But no woman had made him feel like Hattie did. How had it happened that this shy young girl, so reluctant to let anyone get too close, somehow knew how to unlock every secret longing in his heart, how to make his body weak with desires, how to satisfy him so fully and completely that love-making left him limp and all but lifeless?

  It happened because he loved her.

  Willie wasn’t sure when the realization had first come. From the beginning, falling in love with Hattie had been a danger to avoid at all costs. She had come to him as a pure angel, ministering to his every need—even the most carnal. For his part, he’d been nothing short of a devil, a wounded creature who’d been cast out and scorned by others. Hattie’s touch had healed him and made him whole.